Order and Chaos

Oh my what a day! It’s actually Thursday.

So, I went in to work thinking I’d have to choose between two career directions, only to find a third option waiting for me in my inbox. I had a long conversation with one manager, he seems like a great man! But the conversation made me realize what I want and now all I need is an offer asap! It became clearer to me as I stood outside with my fun coworkers and poured it out to them – the thought bubbles then I had the aha moment. Fingers crossed.

Tania you’ll be proud, I told them I would miss them and that I love coming to work with them. They chuckled and I said “No, seriously, where I came from was terrible. You’ve made me remember that people are fun and good and caring.” Seriously, I wish I could bring them with me wherever I end up – they are so much fun. Like a wee family! So great!

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My day was going along swimmingly until my phone says HOME is calling… I answer and hear a wee crackling voice and my heart drops. I’ve let the twins walk home today instead of going to after 4. It is Payton, she tells me as she is crying that Abbigail left school  before her and she is now at home but Abbie is not! Now my heart is pounding. I want to run out of the building and race home. My teenage son is on the other phone and says in his changing voice “Oh my God Payton, she is probably at the school waiting for you just go back” Yes, yes he makes sense but my thought bubbles are going to total crazy town. I’m thinking amber alerts and too much Criminal Minds has me panicking. They don’t know I’m panicking but the world was spinning around me. So I do the mom thing and say “See, this is why you walk together. Strength in numbers.” Ugh. I felt sick. I got off the phone and texted their friend’s mom hoping she was at her house. Nope, said mom is en route from Kingston! She checks at home and calls me back. As she does, I am already on the phone with Paytie who says  Abbie is now home. They miscommunicated and Abbie was at the school waiting this whole time. Longest 15 minutes of my life!!! It may have only been 10 minutes. Terrifying!

As I was putting them to bed, I decided I would have a stern conversation with them about this afternoon’s event. I said you know, when I ask you to do something a certain way it’s because I’m trying to keep you safe. I’ve spent 14 years of my life trying to make sure all of you are in one piece and safe! I ask for simple things! And then the crumble… You are the most important people in my life…voice crack… I can’t bare the thought of one of you not being here…you are my world…and the tears pour… I was so scared!!!!  So there we are all bawling. No bad cop lives here, damn it! I think it was more effective than being scary. .. So, I am grateful that everyone is tucked snug in their beds, well I am plus one here as I type, and that a round of hugs and kisses will be had in the morning. Deep breath.

Single parenting is hard! I know parenting is hard but doing it alone, that’s hard. I’ve been doing this for 8 years and it doesn’t seem to get easier. The day to day gets easier to a point. I am more tired and the worries are bigger! I need a mother effin vacation!!!

I spent my entire evening on my feet tidying. Gathered the trash and brought it to the curb. It’s a two week cycle so there was a lot of it. Litter box, laundry, vacuum.

I feel like I haven’t stopped!! No wonder I look like death right now!!

Tomorrow night, I get to spend with Kim and June! I am super excited! It can’t come fast enough. Chicken and waffles and vodka soda baby! Momma needs a beverage! Barfhaven Heart and Crown look out!!!

 

Not really cuz we’re old but we’ll give her a go til at least 11pm. Yeehaw!

And so appropriately I ring in Friday with this Zac Brown Band tune:

As I close my eyes, I dream of this…

https://m.facebook.com/comfortinntremblant/posts/10153222250733099:0

Night.

Muah💋