In 30 minutes, I am going to exit this building and head to my car. I don’t want to be here today anyways…. For 7 minutes as I walk to that damn car I am going to try to hold it together! For 25 minutes as a drive home, I will let my soul cleanse itself like it has been wanting to, knowing the reality of things, as it needs…. whatever it needs… let it pour….. so be it.
I’m going to reflect on moments. I am going to analyze the f*@% out of some moments but in the end I am going to cherish them all. Past, passing, present…that’s all I can do.
That’s okay, I understand. That’s the beauty of me, “Klassy”, right T? K-ompassion… You understand. I know you do. We are kindred spirits in this sense, caring and wishing we wouldn’t. Feeling like fools, questioning… It doesn’t change past moments, they were treasures then and treasured memories now.
I’ve known that I am a lamp post and I’m happy to be one. I am standing under my own lamp post as I type and it’s blinding, a little bitter-sweet and wonderful all at once.
Yesterday, I had some wonderful moments…. I spoke with a beautiful eleven year old on my way home. Lexa… The moment she realized it was me on the other line, the excitement in her voice and we chatted. I sat in my car as her joyful, youthful voice permeated my vehicle via bluetooth. She talked and talked and talked and talked, like a certain Gingie Pooh I know. So darn cute!! Halloween excitement, school news, teacher gossip… Wow, how far we’ve come from infant playdates with Lexa, Abbie and Payton or should I say mommy playdates; to this moment where a beautiful young woman is emerging. Amazing. I’m grateful for the moments in the car that Lexa has saved me from my thoughts – they are tiring these days. My words to her “Well, nice chatting with you Lex, thank you for keeping me company on the way home!” Lexa returns the sentiment. Great Thursday moments. Many of them. I was present for them, all of them. Even when I rested my eyes I was still soaking them in. xoxoxo
Enter Friday, as I pull in to the parking lot at work. A heartwarming moment, that someone who spent an hour with me would say such nice things. “She was like, ‘she’s wonderful’.” I almost freaking lose it on the way in to work.
Then enter moments of truth…it’s hard, but the reality is I already knew…I seized those moments anyways…stolen moments. I havent had that kind of energy in my life in a long time. Thank you. It’s direction and direction is never bad – it eliminates questions- thought bubbles.
And now just before I sign off, good news moments…more direction…restful sleep moments.
I’ll meet you again by the koi pond, it was you that was there… I’ll take your hand there and remember the moment – it was lovely. It rests in my mind a lovely memory…. Until we meet again….
To this moment…a Luke Bryan moment…