In a few days, I will not be posting as much if at all.
I hung out with Ginger last Saturday which was nice. I’m a homebody so you’ll never get an argument from me to stay home, sip wine and hang out. We had a lot of catching up to do. Two years essentially kept apart by the sociopath. A lot of catching up that phone calls here and there couldn’t do. It was unexpectedly emotional. Tears.
Tears of I missed you. I had shown Ginger a post. As she was reading it, she took a deep breath as though trying to keep it together. I asked what the breath was about. She said “…and the sociopath worked his manipulation…” My heart sank. The conversation got heavy. It needed to, there’s repair required. Renewal. Her words “I could see what was happening. I felt I was losing you. We were losing you. What choice do I make? Do I tell you what I know and see and lose you? Do I choose to say nothing and lose you anyway? But I knew you would stop it and get out. I just didn’t know when. I hate him for what he did.” And then we cried.
And all I could say was “Me too.” And I cried. I sat at the same table in the summer and cried as I listened to a man express is heartbreak and pour tears at what the sociopath had done. Things the sociopath said to him that he knew I would be crushed to learn. And then the sociopath drove the wedge in between us to try to keep the truth from me. I sat as a grown man cried because I allowed the sociopath to win for a while. I cried with him.
I am lucky that I have friends who truly know me. Who could see that it was not me but him. They did not walk away. Some did but they were not real friends. My true friends knew I was not living my truth but living under the control of someone else. They knew I would come to my senses but it did not lessen the heartache there was in watching it. In losing time together.
Love should not hurt or isolate. If someone truly loves you, they will want to see you happy and spending time with other loved ones. They will want to see a smile on your face because it means your heart is happy. And your heart should matter not be manipulated.
Time does not wait for us. Time lost is time lost. Take back your time today and surround yourself with the people you love and trust. Get back to loving yourself and the right person will appear and love you as you should be loved. Completely and unconditionally. They will make time for you and in some beautiful moments they will make time feel as though it is standing still. xo