We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception.
I referred to Greg Behrendt’s book the other day. I have friends in the dating world dealing with men who seem to be playing games. Making the girl an option. Taking her heart for granted and using it for their entertainment or ego.
I don’t give a rats ass what their current situation is or yours, if they are in to you they will say so. If there is a valid reason they cannot fully give their heart at this time, they need to take it slow; they will tell you. They will be honest about that because they will not want to lose you. If they are truly interested, they will tell you that too. They will show you! Their actions will match their words. No one is so busy that they cannot drop you a text or two in 24 hours. No one!
Conversely, they will not ever simply tell you they aren’t into you. Especially if they want to keep you as an option. Or simply they are immature cowards who fear you’re crazy, your tears or you will unleash a verbal beat down.
If you tell someone your heart is open to them and they tell you don’t get close or they don’t know what they want, they are figuring it out, but keep texting you. Or they don’t text for days and days and then reappear like they never left you hanging. They are just not into you!! They’re in to one person though – themselves. They need a little ego boost or distraction and they’ve got your ‘number’. You’re a sure thing. A guaranteed response. The best cure for that ladies? Lose their number! Do not respond to those texts!!! Your heart is not a game. Your number is not an outlet for boredom! “Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option”.
Cryptic texting that makes the person mysterious or raises questions. Drop that game honey. Your heart is a pawn. Leave the unsolved mysteries to the FBI!
You shouldn’t have to romanticize something or fill in the blanks. Especially in the adult realm of 35 plus year olds. Come on ladies, we’re smarter than this!
Stop telling yourself you’re the exception to this dude. If you were, there’d be no wondering. No questioning. No assuming. No agonizing. Every day, yes every single day, you’d know you’re on his mind. He’ll want it that way because he couldn’t afford to let someone as good as you get snapped up by someone else.
“But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.”
If he contacts every minute of the day with unrelenting phone calls and an engagement ring in the first month… That’s excessive. That’s psychotic. Run away fast. And read about dating a sociopath if you’re even considering romanticizing this kind of excessive attention. Been there done that, got the battle scars…
Someone can be in a place in their life where they are not ready to date. They can. If they are true to themselves, they will take themselves off the market and they will tell you they are doing so. If they see how awesome you are, they will not want to hurt you. They will prevent that from happening. They will not make you the fool. The option. You are not here for someone else’s entertainment while they figure their shit out. Not cool!
We read the books. We experience the shit and we still romanticize it!!! A turd covered in glitter, is still and always will be a turd!!! I don’t care how handsome they are or how flashy that smile is ladies! Handsome is as handsome does!
God damn it why do we settle? Don’t! You are amazing and you deserve more!
I don’t understand how we get to the place where the message is clear but we still think it is something other than it is. We all do it at some point. We exhaust ourselves. Love should not be exhausting. It should be energizing and invigorating.
Believe you are worth more than scraps of someone’s time. If someone puts your heart on a string, buy scissors!