Therapy is a good thing. At this point, I wish I could go every day.
Me: I’m tired.
Therapist: Of course you are! This is more than a breakup. Real damage was done. I’m okay with you coasting right now as long as you are the wind behind your sails. No self destruction.
So, I’m on a bus trying to keep my composure.
Here’s the deal as my therapist just framed it
“I have been through more than a break up with Chris.” I lived in Hell with him. In only a year he managed to do a lot of damage. Serious damage. He is a seriously unwell, harmful man.
It being only three months since things ended, I’m learning a few things:
1. Much healing needs to be done.
2. I have zero self-esteem/self love right now. I do not respect myself.
3. I need to work on myself.
4. I need to help my children heal. Feel stable again.
5. I’m not ready to deal with someone else’s feelings.
I haven’t liked myself much in putting myself in a FWB situation. I have continued to do it because I know you are emotionally unavailable and therefore in some ways not a threat to my heart.
I’m sorry that we met under these circumstances. I know I am not this slutty kind of girl and I regret that I’ve allowed you to see me in this light. I have not respected myself or been true to my values. I own this. This has all been my choice.
Besides, I’m sure there are way more exciting FWBs out there at this point.
So, I’m going to take some distance and work on myself. This is not healthy for me or you.
Take care – you’re on the right track to healing – keep going. 💕