Smile though…

Smile though your heart is aching…

Some days it is so much easier to do this than others. Some days you go to bed at 6pm only to wake up the next day and want to stay in bed. You get out of bed and climb back in. You read some blog posts of another. And then you kick your ass back out of bed…

Is it not taking my anti-anxiety medication, medication I did not require before the narcissist? Is it that I am just genuinely exhausted because I have no effing breaks from this life? Is it also that I have spent the last couple of days reading the blog of someone else and wishing that I had known that kind of love and loyalty just once in my forty two years? Is it that I read a blog post of October 2015 and remember how I interpreted it then and then laugh at myself? Whatever the fuck it is, these last two days have been a struggle!

Is writing this stuff down healing? Or does it just take me to that dark place, I cannot afford to go?

I look for quotes on Pinterest to find inspiration and I read what I know should resonate but it just reads as blah, blah, blah…

I think it’s partly Christmas approaching and as much as I will always believe in the magic of Christmas it terrifies me this year…

I will have to force myself to the gym tonight…show up for myself and kick the shit out of things for a bit…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BP5Fft2Yt3Y