I’ve re-read previous blog posts and came across this quote. One of my friend’s used to send me these things via Twitter to help inspire a post or add to one based on our conversations. The quote above we thought might apply to goings on of 2015. When I read it again recently, I thought just maybe it applied to how things were just before ringing in 2018.
Day 3, better but not by much. I’m grateful that a horrid sinus congestion I have battled the last three days, seems to be subsiding and I can get my butt to the gym and smash some stuff tonight. I haven’t slept much the last three days or eaten much really. Getting back to work will help me mindfully take care of myself and get things done. Moping around the house with a snot filled head certainly hasn’t been the answer to forward movement.
I’d like to say I woke up this morning and didn’t think about someone but I did and I know it’s pathetic. I know what my friends would be saying. Clearly, I’m not ready to be in situations that could lead to rejection. Truth is I had started repeating past mistakes of taking something as it was and projecting what I wanted it to be on it. I’d receive a picture of a little blonde haired cutie snuggled up in a blanket at her sister’s hockey and think, I could sit in a rink again and celebrate girl power on the ice while sitting beside a strong teddy bear. I’d even started considering the what if this progresses?. Sometimes he could use a helping hand with the girls. They could hang out at my place, I could get them to school if need be. The stupid movies we start to play in our minds when we allow ourselves to feel. I need the clarity of a therapy session because I know I will hear what I need to, if I haven’t already heard it.
I should’ve known better than to think I was the exception to the rule.
Woke up and deleted Match.com, this way I cannot torture myself. Plus, I just find it annoying which is probably not how it is supposed to be. I fired up POF to test it out. It’s likely coming down again tonight because I just don’t want to meet anyone. It’s not what I want. People are so excited to meet and I’m like meh, let me just wallow in missing yet another human and feeling sorry for myself a bit first.
Back to eye rolling and indifference…
At least this crap has stopped rolling in to Facebook messenger
Why is this okay? Do not send girls this stuff. We are friends leave it that way.